you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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