Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
