you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
