My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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