Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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