I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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