Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Alive.
So much puke
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
