fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
