i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
