at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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