they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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