Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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