There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
