who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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