her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
