It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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