Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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