I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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