he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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