I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I understand Curling. That high.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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