My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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