no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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