were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
