if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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