Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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