Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
zippers are such a cool invention
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
