rhymes with "ouble enetration"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
