I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize