It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize