There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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