i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize