I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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