watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
