The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You have to summon your inner elephant
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
