I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You ate ashes out of my bong
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