i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
