No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Drunk is a universal language darling
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize