dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
