I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
