i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize