Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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