You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
you made out with another girl for some wings
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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