Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
