God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
