I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
