She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
it glows. i had to have it.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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