We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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