apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
