Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
