I looked at my own cervix.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
