i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i just google imaged poop.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
