GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
