I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
