dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
4 words: hood of his car
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
