He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
