Fine. I'll sleep in my office
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
