Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
