I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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