Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
