Where did you get a picture of my penis
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
