Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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