I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
