can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
