I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
