I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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