Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
