DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
