so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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