So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
