I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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